Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Everything Will Be Alright or Quiet P-Funk-U

We have a team of 12. We have a name, Half Nuts. Now time for me to set my starting line-up.

I probably should have explained this whole Ragnar thing many posts ago. A relay running race from Tarpon Springs, Fla to Daytona Beach, Fla. Just over 203 miles. Twelve runners would run three times each in succession. We would ride in two vehicles that could not be longer than 21 feet each. The "party bus" was off the table. No motor homes either. Ideally a 12-15 passenger van would be great. Our team was able to rent one of those. That was Van 1. I was in charge of renting the second vehicle. I rented a van which we called.....Van 2. By the way, Van 2 rules.

Now setting up the line up or run legs was a task. I had to figure out who were my stronger runners and my not as strong runners. Others would have said weaker runners but hey, I am using my non-angry fingers tonight. Each runner's leg was varying distances but I also had to look at the total of the three legs. C-Steve already volunteered for the longest total (22.3 miles) and I was going to have Veronica take the shortest total (13.1 miles). I also had to keep certain people together based on who rented what vehicle and who giggled the most.

So that meant I put Stacey in Van 1, since she rented Van 1. Kalani in Van 1 since she knows Stacy. V in Van 1 since she was taking the low miles and she also knows Kalani and Stacy. Jen-e because she had the second fewest miles. Mike and Milsaps to put some musk in the van.

Van 2, which by the way was a mini-van. I should finally come clean to my Van 2 runners and let them know that I did have access to a large van but wanted to feel closer to my running mates. Kind of a psychological thing Captains do. I read about it in a "Coaches for Dummies" book.

C-Steve was in Van 2 because of the most miles runner. Jason was in Van 2 with the second longest miles. Red was in Van 2 since she is friends with Beth who was in Van 2 since P-Funk-U was going to be in Van 2. And the Captain rounded out Van 2 since I was runner 12 and would be finishing the race. Well let's also face it. I was the Captain and I was going to be pretty much where ever I wanted to be. For goodness sake.

After all that was put on paper, we had two more meetings to discuss final preparations and logistics. Now you would think topics of conversation would be about running and what distances will I do. How difficult will it be and such. No. I heard things like: Will I be able to charge my Blackberry. I better be able to get on Facebook while out in the boonies. Who is bringing the baby wipes. Can I call my girl. Can I call my man. Can we wear Depends while in the van. Will there be port-o-pottys. Do I have to sleep with one eye open. Do we have a pump. There better be no farting. Do I have to run the whole time. Can I run in my jammies. Can I have beer after my first run, second run or should I just wait until the end of my third run. Will I be able to shower after each run. Where are we going to eat once we get to Daytona. Can we eat now. I can make a mix CD. Should I let my Probation Officer know I am doing this. Are you a Princess. Are we allowed to moon walk. Should I bring a gun. I am not going to wear a shirt while I run. Oh I like that ring. Is it real.

Now there was one teammate who was just so concerned about something she had absolutely nothing to do with. Picking up Van 2 from the car rental location. She wanted to know who was picking it up. What time that was going to happen. And what color the van would be. For the life of me I still can not figure out the concern. I told her "everything will be alright. Now be quiet." Turns out that when she was a child she was left at home while her parents went out of town for the holidays. I thought this was a movie in the 80's but turns out her parents were big fans of this movie and wanted to see if it would really work. Guess it did. But still, what does a mini-van have to do with it? Who knows.

Next chapter: The Fun Begins or Is She Really Going Out With Him?


  1. I knew you picked that small van on purpose!!!!

  2. You are out of control. I do feel scarily close to you all now though. V2FL!!!!

  3. Probation officer... uh oh, I think I'd bring the gun if locked in a van with someone who needed a PO. LOL

  4. Walter. I was laughing. out. loud. No lol stuff. Your description of the team meeting was seriously hysterical. I was trying to guess who was saying what, since I have no doubt that you are telling the truth. I've been there. I'd just hate to hear how you'd describe me.

  5. I thought you weren't going to bring up my PO?!
    And for the record, my parents said they came back because they really do love me, thank you very much.
    And finding out the Van 2 details were important - I'm mean, what if you forgot to pick up someone on the way to our starting point - oh wait, you didn't forget, you just didn't tell him! ;-D Poor Shorty-Shorts!

  6. good to see everyone is dysfunctional - I know we had NONE of these issues in our van!