Saturday, November 5, 2011

Prelude To The Final Lap

I feel it necessary to give a little history before posting the final lap of my GFT marathon.

At the start of this year for private reasons, I moved out of my house. It wasn't like a "hey I am going out to get a pack of smokes" move. It was what was needed at the time. I stayed in the local area so I could still spend time with my girls who I love dearly and always will regardless of how they feel about their father at times. I know how important it is to be there for them having grown up myself, for the most part, without a father in my life. And the fact they are girls, it's even more important to have a father deeply involved in their lives.

Not long after I moved, I got involved in a project. A project I was longing for. Sure I have had other projects before but this was going to be a project like no other.

At first I was skeptical. Was I ready? I had doubts that this would be the kind of project I needed. Should I give myself time to sort things out in my life before I put something else on my overflowing plate?

In order for this project to really work, I would need to put the time and effort in to it to reap the benefits. Did I have the time? Was it worth the effort?

This project was starting to take time away from my girls. I did not want this to happen but hopefully they would understand. I would make it up to them for the lost time on other days. The problem is, I may not get those opportunities to make it up. They are getting older and one will be off to college soon. I didn't want any "cats and the cradle."

The project was starting to take it's toll on me. Gone were the occasional times together. We were together six, sometimes seven days a week at up to eight hours on some days. I was so wanting to sleep in at times. Take a day away. Maybe back out. The project did its fair share of pushing back. Making me want to throw in the towel. But again, if I put all I had in to this project it would eventually pay off.

I was starting to notice a physical change for the good. And so were others. Maybe it was the lack of home cooked meals and the cutting back on visits to Brasstap or World of Beer. Nope. I will have to say it was the project.

The project was also starting to affect me mentally. Making me doubt myself. Was it me? Was I doing something wrong? Did I need to try something different or just stay on course and let it all come together.

My girls started wondering why I wasn't around as much on the weekends as before. Why I was so tired. Why I would fall asleep on the couch when visiting. I finally had to tell them about this project. I had them sit at the kitchen table. I told them it was time I take on a new challenge. Something to test myself. And it may also be something to take my mind off of all the other stuff going on around me. What is it they asked.

I have signed up for an ironman/ultra triathlon. Wow. They were more excited than I thought they would be. I told them the training was going to take a lot more of my time. Much of this time will be away from them. They seemed to be okay with it. At first I thought since I was out of the house they were already moving on. Maybe writing me off. I did not want that to happen. It's tough to see them pretty much everyday of their lives and then maybe 3-4 times a week. I know your saying, "hey, that was your decision there mister." Yeah I know but it was still hard.

I told them I could call off the project if they felt I was not being the daddy they wanted. Start another one a year or so from now. Again they were encouraging. Their mother was also supportive and always has been. She felt it was time and if it made me happy then give it my best.

I again reminded them to let me know if they felt I was slacking on my daddy duties. "I will be the first to let you know," the oldest told me. The thing about her is that she doesn't hold back.

I am reminded of something a friend of mine told me. He said he saw my oldest one at her job. He asked about me and she said, "My daddy is out riding his bike all day. He is training for one of those ironman races." He said she was smiling when she said this. For that I knew everything would be okay. In the long run.

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