Pilates. Is that French for "I'll kick your ass"?

Having already posted a story about my Hot Yoga adventure it is only fair that I do the same for a recent Pilate's session.



I am at the Y on the spin bike minding my own business. I am just about 10 minutes in to my hour work out when Speedy Jan (Ragnar Half Nuts) suddenly appears in front of me out of nowhere. Hence the name Speedy Jan. I figured she was just going to say hi and give me encouraging words. Nope.


"Want to do Pilate's with me?" At that point I am thinking that she is surely talking about something in the future. Like maybe January. You know. Part of some new triathlon training program since I am attempting an Ironman in 2011. So of course I say sure. And I just keep on spinning. She says c'mon then. Well when does the class start? In two minutes. Fight or flight is on my mind. I have no mat. I will get you one. Damn. Just like that Speedy is gone. Damn. Damn. Damn. I knew I should have gone to the Y earlier. As I am getting off the bike a woman says, "so you're going to do Pilate's? Good luck." Damn.


I get in the room and tell SJ that I would like to be in the back of class so as not to be laughed at. At least that is where B.o.b. put me when I went to hot yoga and I didn't even ask her to. What are friends for. So there my mat lays right up front. Who are my friends? Again, just like hot yoga, low male participation. I see two other guys. One that does triathlons and the other guy was yapping with three young ladies. We all know why he was here.


I asked SJ how much downward dog we would be doing. Oh you will pray for downward dog. Enough of the damn's already.



We start standing and doing some light stretching. This was probably about the easiest it was going to be. I try not to look in the mirror so I would not see what everyone else could see. I then start to realize that I am not as flexible as I thought. Now to the fun stuff.



We lay on the mat and start the ab/core work. Again I realize that I have lost some of my flexibility. I can blame it on the Christmas season and not my desire for craft beer lately.

Now we are told to lay on our side and lift our leg that is on the floor towards the ceiling. Do what? And then make circles with that same leg. I raise my hand instead to ask if it matters how high I raise my leg. Just do the best you can I hear. Small circles. Big circles. Stretch forward and then reach back. All with this same leg that is on the ground. Again more circles. My ass is burning. No really. I smell smoke.

We are then told to turn over and do the same thing again with the other leg. Why did I know this was going to happen. I look back at SJ and she is just a smiling. Hopefully not at me. Yeah right. Thanks again SJ. What seemed like hours was only 10 minutes. Are you kidding me.

Below is what SJ's circles were and what my circles were during this mess.

Needless to say we can see by this example who is in better Pilate's shape. Well pretty much everyone in the room was on the left. I was told by SJ after class that this was a stand-in instructor and the class is usually harder. Great way to convince me to return.

All kidding aside, it was not as hard as I made out to be. Yeah right. You keep on saying that to yourself Walt. I do thank SJ for asking me to go to the class with her. I would not have done it on my own. I will do it without her in the future so I can put my mat in the back of the class. SJ now owes me a hot yoga class. I can't say one is easier than the other. The fact that I am willing to do the hot yoga again before the Pilate's may say something though.

A new year is on the horizon. May you find yourself in 2011. If you found yourself in 2010 then help someone find themselves in 2011.

Begaga.

Ragnar 2010 Chapter 2....Nothing Like Starting Alone

I now have both my ipods. Oh and yes the two power converters. Gotta have those Christmas lights working.

Speedy Jan is driving and I am the co-pilot. I was doing my best at navigating and reassuring B.o.b. that we would make it to the start in plenty of time. I kept pointing at the arrival time on the GPS. We had a start time of 11 a.m. and the GPS showed our arrival time of 10:32.

Van 1 was well on their way. They were due to arrive at about 10. There was a mandatory safety briefing held an hour before the team's start time. Only Van 1 had to attend this meeting so I knew we were in no hurry. Sort of.

This gave us plenty of time to catch up with Jen who just got in the night before from Michigan. I was also going to try and get a nap in but fat chance once The Caribbean moved from the back seat to the seat behind me. The stories he decided to tell were something else. Let me share one of them with you. I think it was his amazement that there is Braille on a drive thru ATM. So blind people can't drive? He also wanted us to know that if he were a woman and married to Stevie Wonder, he would buy all Stevie's shirts from Wal-mart. They would all be white cotton.

Captain Nuts' Tip #9. When you are the one always pulling someones leg, don't assume that your leg is being pulled when something does not sound believable.

We are about 20 minutes from the start when I get a call from Van 1. I am told of some bad news. They were getting gas and turned the van off. The van did not start back up. The hood was opened and the battery was corroded. They were able to get a jump and were almost to the start. This was not good.

I told everyone else in Van 2 what I was just told and not a person in the van believed this really happened. They are just messing with you. There's no way a rental van would have a dead battery. And why were they already getting gas. The van came with a quarter tank is why.

Captain Nuts' Tip #10. When renting a vehicle, try to use a Nationally known company and not someone from Craigslist.

We are now about a mile from the start when I see Van 1 turn in front of us. I point at the van and tell my Van 2ers there goes Van 1. I guess they were not kidding. There is no way we are going to start at 11. I now feel vindicated for having to go back to my house all those times.

I have SJ drop me off at the check-in so I could explain our situation and try to get a new start time. I could see the other teams were finishing the safety meeting. We were allowed to start at 11:30 but would be the only team. We still had to get the safety briefing out of the way first.

We all gather around for our personalized safety meeting. We get our numbers, orange flags, shirts and goodies. Shorty Shorts is running in circles in anticipation. He said this is the first time he has started a race where he is the only person. I told him not to get lost. He said he does not get lost. I then reminded him of the time we did the Dances With Dirt race. "Well I won't get lost this time." He was off and running. He only had 3.4 miles for his first leg.

Oh and Van 1. I had to jump it off so they could get going. Shorty Shorts had assured me that the first place they go after runner 6 is done will be an Autozone.

Now time to decorate Van 2. we had to be mindful this year of our visuals. One of the rules was the decorations had to be explainable to a 4th grader. Hell these days that gave us plenty of wiggle room. And with a team name like Half Nuts, we had an out. B.o.b. made us some cloth signs this year. We learned from last year that cardboard does not like the wind. We also used a different tape and some window chalk. Big nut attached to van grill. Decorations done.

Captain Nuts' Tip #11. If something disappears and you don't try to find it, then you probably don't need it anyways.

Let's go eat. McDonald's anyone?

Ragnar 2010...Here Come Deez

Those that follow my blog have surely read the Half Nuts Ragnar recaps by Redhead and B.o.b. by now. I seem to have a different take on what I observed and experienced. And as a bonus, I can't seem to wrap my recaps up in 2-3 blogs. Much less 2-3 months. So here is my December edition of the recap.

Captain Nuts' Tip #1. When preparing for a trip, make a list of what to pack. Since you are making a list, pack what's on the list. The old saying of, "If I forget something I will just buy it when I get there," does not always apply. Especially if what you forgot you need before you get to where you are getting to.

Captain Nuts' Tip #2. If you forget something, try to remember you forgot it within 5 minutes of leaving where the item is located that you forgot.

I was going to be picked up from my house at 7:15 in the a.m. I knew this for about a week. Plenty of time to pack and make some mix cd's for both vans. Just don't forget to make a list of what to pack. I mean I did this same trip last year. What could be so hard.

I decided to start making the mix cd's at about 11 in the p.m. the night before I was going to be picked up. I then started packing at 6 a.m. the morning of. And that list. Oh I made one. It was in my head with all the other stuff going on. So tip #1 would have been very handy had I come up with that tip before this blog. But I did get the mix cd's made.

Speedy Jan and The Caribbean picked me up in the Classic right on time. At the time, they were not aware that I was just about 57% packed. I opened the garage door and just started tossing things on to the driveway whether they were needed or not. I was not in panic mode. I really wasn't. SJ and TC loaded the bed of the Classic and I ran through that "list" in my head and everything was checked. I promise.

We then left and headed to Avis to get Van 2. WAIT. I need to go back to the house. I forgot something that I really need. I must have this bag. I could not say at the time what it was. But I did need what was inside this bag. Very important. I grabbed the bag and now we were off. Tip #2 was successful at this point. At this point.

Just about the time we get to Avis, which is well past the 5 minute from home mark, I realize that I forgot my mp3 players. I love music. Music is my soulmate so to speak. I knew we were well past the turnaround point but I decided to bring it up anyway. I thought for a moment that I could just buy an mp3 player while Van 1 was running. SJ then reminded me there would be no music on it. Tips #1 and #2 would have been nice to know before today.

Captain Nuts' Tip #3. If you forget something very important to you, come up with another forgotten item that is important to have for everyone else. This will allow you to get your item and not appear to be all about you.

We finally arrived at Shorty Shorts' house. Most of the team is there and the others are in route. All seems to be well until I see the Christmas lights that are going to be used for van decorations being given to someone in Van 1. In order for the Christmas lights to work, a power converter is used. Who is supposed to bring the two power converters. Would you believe it was me. This is where Tip #3 comes in to play. I get to get my ipods now. This was going to take some convincing. This is also why I am Captain Nuts.

I have a private meeting with Junior Captain Shorty Shorts. I tell him that Van 1 will head to the start. Van 2 goes back East and gets the two power converters and then meets Van 1 at the start with 30 minutes to spare before the race begins. Plenty of time. What could go wrong. No really. What could go wrong?

To be continued.....

Ragnar....already or all ready.

Hard to believe a year has passed since Ragnar Central Florida 2009. What a year makes. Here comes team Half Nuts again. As Captain Nuts I would like to say thanks to my entire team from last year. I thank you for what you did for the team. Had the Captain kept up with his blogging duties the rest of the world could have known what you did as well.

There are six new additions to team Half Nuts this year but the core tastes the same. Five of the six are virgins...to Ragnar that is. Not sure about the biblical virgin part but hey 202 miles in a van counts as something.

I will use this blog to recap last years event based solely on notes that were taken during the trip from Van 2 which was occupied by Your Captain, Redhead Jen, Shorty Shorts Jason, P-Funk, Caribbean Steve and B.o.b. Hopefully my new victims, I mean runners, will get the idea that this is not only a race but an adventure. A funtastic one. It is truly what you/they make of it. You see I again will be in Van 2. Van 2 For Life Baby as the tattoo says.

Sponge Bob nipple band-aids.
S.S. chest hair can be in corn rows/Snoop Dogg perm.
C-Steve finger splashing water for his homies.
Captain stopped short for Shorty Shorts.
Steve revoked B.o.b.'s black card because she wants to jump out of planes.
Steve insist Jen teach him to text.
Sweet Caroline sing along with drum solo by Steve.
The newly diagnosed Leak-a-litis Syndrome.
Steve has the strength of an infant.
The Captain knows all since he is a triathlete.
Ain't no crying in Ragnar.
Tuna or onions.
These slap bracelets can cut a bitch.
P-Funk beats on back window of van because the light was left on.
Red pees too much.
Red Bull keeps you awake while pooing.
Redhead admits girls poo.
B.o.b. has the shortest intestines.
Steve ain't sleep yet.
Triathletes are human also. They get nervous poops.
Shorty shorts had to catch the runners that Steve could not.
Is this an exchange point? Nope. Just a D.U.I. checkpoint.
How do you spell poop noises? With a v maybe.
Red is so white that she glows in the dark.
That was an exchange we just drove past.
I can't see. Can you have Jen stand over here.
Steve injured his labia while riding the bike.
Why is the navigator sleeping?
Hey, it's not pretty. It's not sexy. It may not even be healthy but damn it, it's Ragnar. And it's an adventure.
The Captain showed Red and Shorty Shorts a big bug in the tent.
The Captain suggested Steve wear a job bra so he didn't slap himself in the face so much when he ran.
Shorty Shorts, "I do what I want." Said prior to the cell phone call to his girlfriend.
Random booty shaking on the side of the highway by the Van 2 dancers.
Steve, "this is the three best days of my life."
Red loaned her shorts to Shorty Shorts. So we thought but then were told they are his.
B.o.b. is deceptively slow looking.
Shorty Shorts, "I can't believe I am single." Said after the phone call to his girlfriend.
Red pees so much it's no wonder she has rubber sheets.
Steve just wants to have a job washing balls.
It smells like Tiger Breeze in here.
If I can't please it then I will damage it.

That is just a short list of the things that were said and so many were left out due to their personal meanings, lack of humour or just plain vulgarity. I think B.o.b. has that list but hey she can start a new list this Friday.

I truly look forward to this weekend's race. The past two years have been great experiences. I have a great group of ten runners and one Islander. We are not doing this for any finish line awards cause we ain't fast enough. We are not in it to win it. We each have our own reasons why. Some for the love. Some for the money. And some for the country. I for one am doing it because if I was able to convince eleven suckers to pay entry fees, I would get a free entry. Ragnar here come the Half Nuts. Led by yours truly.

Captain Nuts

Size Does Matter...

Does size matter? That has been a long debated question and depending on who you ask and when you do it depends on the answer you get. I will have to say size does matter when it comes to tents. Tents you ask. Well of course tents. What were you thinking?

I love camping. I always have. I prefer the rugged style camping where it is just you, a sleeping bag, a tent, a fire and Mother Nature. No hot shower is required. Living on the West Coast of Florida kind of limits you in your camping options for day trips. You have Ft Desoto, Hillsborough River State Park and Best Buy.

I have two daughters and wanted to take them camping. Kind of break them in easy. Our first trip was when they were 7 and 4. Where would you take kids camping in Florida. Well what do you know. There is a campground at Disney World. The Fort Wilderness Campground which is only an hour away.

I had recently purchased a five person tent from the sports store. I figured there was only four of us so a five person tent would be fine. Two adults. Two kids. Plenty of room. But wait. I was also told that blow up mattresses would be required. What? Blow up mattresses. That's not camping. Suppose I was the one to be broken in easy.

The girls were always excited to go to DW. This time they were especially excited because we were going to camp. I had made them forts in the living room many times but this time the fort was outside. We checked in and found our plot of land. We were next to a large RV/bus. This thing was probably the size of our house.

Now it's show time. Daddy has to set up camp. I take the tent out and begin to set it up. I had the tent up in less than ten minutes. Now did I mention the blow up mattresses. When I say blow up, they were literally blow up mattresses. I am looking for the electric air pump. I was then told these could only be blown up by hand or mouth. And for some reason they could only be blown up by the on-site male. I spent the next hour and a half blowing up these two twin mattresses. All the while I am sure there was some guy standing in the mansion on wheels next to us looking out the tinted window with a glass of bourbon on the rocks saying look at the common folks.

One thing I began to notice was that these mattresses side by side were larger than the tent. This was going to be interesting. The mattresses were put in the tent but not side by side. We just wanted to walk around the campground before it got too late. It was also dinner time.

Now it was bed time and everyone was ready for bed. This is when we realized that the mattresses did not fit in the tent. When put side by side, the mattresses curved up along the tent walls. Thank goodness the tent was staked down. The sleeping arrangements? Should the adults be on the outside weighing down the mattresses. But would we roll on to the kids and have a tragic event. We decided to have the adults sleep in the middle and the little ones would sleep on the edge of the mattresses. About every hour we would have a ball of family meeting in the middle. After the third time we just kept on sleeping.

The next morning all was well. The experience was one of those family things that you talk about later. A character breakfast always helps. I had a different take. I neatly folded the tent. Placed it back in the box and returned it to the sports store that Monday. I bought an 8 person tent and have had no issues since. The first tent would probably have been plenty of room for 5 but when you have to put air mattresses inside, size does matter.

Is It Hot In Here Or Just Me?

I am all about trying new fitness or sports activities within reason. And I don't just mean lawn darts, beer pong or bowling. I mean real fitness challenges. So when a running friend, B.o.B., was talking after a group run about doing "Hot Yoga", it perked my interest. She claimed that others from the running group, including guys, had already participated. Knowing who they were I figured why not give it a try. I did a pilates class some time ago and heard Yoga was easier. I can already touch my toes. What could be so hard about some slow stretching while humming.

I asked many questions the closer I got to class. Do I have to wear those pants? If I can wear shorts should they at least be knee length. Should I stretch a little before the class so I don't look like a rookie? Would Chipotle be okay for lunch the day of class? How hot is hot yoga? Will I be the only dude? Not that that would be a deal breaker or anything. Just wondering my ratio. Is there some type of beginner's curve? All I was told was to not be late. So I showed up a half hour early. I called B.o.b. to see if it was okay to take a nap while I waited. She discouraged this. So many rules. Not sure if they are her rules or yoga rules.

Asana Yoga of Brandon was going to be my sweat box for the evening. For at least 90 minutes according to their web site. The studio was inside a small strip store building. I was glad to see it was not part of a bigger gym chain. I still found myself parking in the rear though. Once inside the studio I was impressed. Wood floors. Soothing decor. A water fountain. An awesome smell. And an emergency exit.

B.o.b. checked me in as a new student and used one of her free sessions for me. I had to sign a waiver and provide some basic information. While I did this B.o.b. set me up in the corner and kind of out of the way. Not sure if that was good or bad. It was close to the emergency exit so I did not complain. One of the students asked if we were using straps tonight. Straps? Yoga? I visualized me not being able to do the "Walking Dog Climbing Cat" pose and then being strapped up until the pose was completed. I was assured I would not be strapped to anything. Relief.


I sat down on my mat and towel. I noticed there was a burlap looking type blanket folded next to my space. Others had the same type of blanket. This must be used during the "Bucking Donkey" pose. Great. This should be a show.


I was expecting my instructor to be an old skinny bald man wearing a diaper. This was not the case at all. A young woman named Alissa. She seemed very relaxed and encouraging. But what did I know, could have been a ploy until we got started. I mean, she did unplug the water fountain.


The music started and here we go. Sitting up straight. Eyes closed and relaxed breathing. I at least was not the only guy there. A middle school boy was with his mother.


I can't tell you everything we did. I did the best I could. Some of the moves and poses were pretty hard. I was able to stay in the "Downward Dog" pretty good. That "Warrior's" pose was kicking my butt. My favorite was the "Baby" position which was just sitting on your knees and leaning over. We should have done more of this. The instructor did tell us that if we needed to take breaks we could. I did not want to do this. I was trying to hang in there. There was some plank move we did that had us in a push up position and then turned our body to the side and lift up one arm towards the ceiling. My stability arm started shaking like spaghetti. I often looked around and compared myself to others. I wasn't doing that bad. Hopefully there was no wagering.


There was a time when we were lying on our backs and the lights started to dim. I thought, either I am blacking out or she's dimming the lights. I dare not say anything out loud. I saw the instructor walk by so I just started to laugh. There were many times that I laughed at myself and at what I was seeing in front of me. I was very careful to keep all comments to myself. I did not want to get kicked out on the first go.

I did sweat a good bit. The class was tougher than I thought it would be. The instructor was very helpful and only had to reposition me once. Not to say that I was doing everything right. She just needed to spend time with the other students. I will definitely go back and give this another try. Namaste.

Daddy Sign This

Us guys have all learned over the years that if you want to get out of doing something again, you have to mess it up the first time. Take laundry for instance. Wash all the clothes together. Colors with whites. Cottons with polyesters. Towels with delicates. And then put them all in the dryer on the same temperature.


Grocery shopping. I don't need a list. What was it I was supposed to get. Was that large eggs or medium. 2% or 1% milk. The purple top or the blue top. Wheat bread or white wheat bread. These bananas look fine. Hey that is a great deal on yogurt. 20 for $6. Hey I could sure use a half gallon of orange juice. And also a half gallon of grapefruit juice. You know what they say about grapefruit juice. I better put this small basket back and get a cart. What was on that list again. Wish the cell phone reception were better in here. What do you mean we are on a budget. What do you mean you never ever spent this much on groceries. Yes we need this many cans of beans. I swore I put the milk in the cart.


Making the bed. Is there really a need for that. There was a need while I was in the Army because there was some pissed off dude with a Smokey The Bear hat on yelling at me if I didn't . But now? Why tuck the covers in when your just going to take them out.


Yesterday was the first day of school for my girls. Year after year their mother has always been the one to sign forms and look at papers and get school supplies and so on. But last night when my oldest asked her mother to sign papers, I spoke up and volunteered my signature. Figured I would finally get involved after all these years. My oldest reluctantly agreed.


She began to pass me forms and just say sign here. Well I really wanted to read the fine print before I signed hers or my life away. It wasn't like I was buying a car. Well who reads all those forms. After about the third form, I just started scribbling my signature. Should have read the fine print. I tell my youngest that I would sign her forms the next day.

The next evening, my oldest comes to me, in front of her mother and sister, and tells me that I signed some form that I should not have. "Daddy. Because you signed this form, I am not allowed to get on the computer in class. How can I do my Keyboarding class? And this form you signed means I have bowel and kidney issues which mean I may need an escort to the bathroom." I thought Keyboarding was a music class not a business class. And I don't want her just wondering the halls.

Needless to say the next thing I hear is my youngest say, "Mommy can you sign my forms?" No more forms for me to sign this year. Yippy.